walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
