Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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