overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
