If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
