We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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