Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
