Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
