Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
