he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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