i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
