how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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