Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Come on in and take your pants off
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