Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
