Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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