Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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