Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
