I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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