Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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