I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
