Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
