sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
