i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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