Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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