Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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