We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
