I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize