His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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