how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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