i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize