...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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