areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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