so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize