she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize