I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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