You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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