I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
