I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
its not stalking. its research.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
