maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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