Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
