How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
