I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
