Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
