i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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