I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
