Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
