How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
