my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
