i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
