when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
