In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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