If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
