i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Panties = found
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
