you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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