so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
