His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
