White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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