so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
