Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
