then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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