there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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