I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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