We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize