Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
