i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
