i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
