I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
