At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
